/r/dadjokes - top ten submissions for each month of 2024

sfw subreddits | << dadjokes 2023

2024, October

I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with he...

8796 I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with he...

I asked my German friend if he knew the square ...

6711 I asked my German friend if he knew the square ...

Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while, he'...

5185 Putin dies and goes to hell. After a while, he'...

Sheepdog says to farmer: "I got all 50 sheep in...

4907 Sheepdog says to farmer: "I got all 50 sheep in...

When my son was 4 he saw a commercial that said...

4714 When my son was 4 he saw a commercial that said...

My English teacher was incarcerated for 10 year...

4384 My English teacher was incarcerated for 10 year...

I accidentally changed the car GPS Voice to “Ma...

4358 I accidentally changed the car GPS Voice to “Ma...

While applying for Australian citizenship, the ...

4298 While applying for Australian citizenship, the ...

someone asked me if i can name a country with n...

3920 someone asked me if i can name a country with n...

What does a gay horse eat?

3771 What does a gay horse eat?

2024, September

I'm furious that I can't write out 1, 1000, 51,...

10838 I'm furious that I can't write out 1, 1000, 51,...

The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd lik...

10175 The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd lik...

I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told m...

8041 I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told m...

Why did the sperm cross the road?

5717 Why did the sperm cross the road?

I just had a near-sex experience...

5132 I just had a near-sex experience...

My wife caught me masturbating to an optical il...

5031 My wife caught me masturbating to an optical il...

My Wife left me because I am insecure

4823 My Wife left me because I am insecure

Two men die on the same day

4708 Two men die on the same day

Why did the trans man no longer eat veggies aft...

4381 Why did the trans man no longer eat veggies aft...

Recently my Girlfriend asked me if I was having...

4251 Recently my Girlfriend asked me if I was having...

2024, August

WARNING: It’s 18+

6554 WARNING: It’s 18+

I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carr...

6544 I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carr...

My girlfriend just told me she’s had a Brazilian

6003 My girlfriend just told me she’s had a Brazilian

I just asked my 9 year old son what he learned ...

4318 I just asked my 9 year old son what he learned ...

Everyone said I couldn’t do poetry because of m...

3404 Everyone said I couldn’t do poetry because of m...

I’ve told several jokes about chemistry on this...

3324 I’ve told several jokes about chemistry on this...

I accidentally handed my girlfriend the glue st...

3051 I accidentally handed my girlfriend the glue st...

A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out.

2925 A Jewish son tells his father he is moving out.

Is "buttcheeks" all one word?

2582 Is "buttcheeks" all one word?

Chris: Hey, can I borrow a ten? Kristen: Sure

2548 Chris: Hey, can I borrow a ten? Kristen: Sure

2024, July

NSFW

Last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for the p...

2816 Last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for the p...

I woke up one morning with a leg partially miss...

2777 I woke up one morning with a leg partially miss...

Why did Donald Trump take a bullet to the ear?

2398 Why did Donald Trump take a bullet to the ear?

At a man’s funeral, the widow asked if anyone w...

2126 At a man’s funeral, the widow asked if anyone w...

If the person who named Walkie Talkies named ev...

1741 If the person who named Walkie Talkies named ev...

My daughter (15) made one today at the doctor's...

1643 My daughter (15) made one today at the doctor's...

I got fired from Pepsi after working there for...

1578 I got fired from Pepsi after working there for...

And it was then, the Secret Service agent had h...

1560 And it was then, the Secret Service agent had h...

In honor of my dad

1219 In honor of my dad

2024, June

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for.

1734 I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for.

You have to be pretty brave to undergo transgen...

1647 You have to be pretty brave to undergo transgen...

A blind girl said I have a big di*k.

1379 A blind girl said I have a big di*k.

My wife caught me sucking in my stomach while s...

1269 My wife caught me sucking in my stomach while s...

What do you call it when a man ejaculates on so...

1136 What do you call it when a man ejaculates on so...

Someone asked me if Steve Jobs would have been ...

1051 Someone asked me if Steve Jobs would have been ...

Why are there no Wal-Marts at Iraq?

1049 Why are there no Wal-Marts at Iraq?

A pregnant woman is in the hospital and she sta...

1017 A pregnant woman is in the hospital and she sta...

I've lived my entire life being absolutely posi...

944 I've lived my entire life being absolutely posi...

I'm proud to say I had never paid for sex ever

829 I'm proud to say I had never paid for sex ever

2024, May

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor ...

3118 An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor ...

My geography teacher asked me to name a country...

1707 My geography teacher asked me to name a country...

My 10 year old daughter just made this up I tol...

1582 My 10 year old daughter just made this up I tol...

What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonosc...

1383 What does Arnold Schwarzenegger call a colonosc...

In the Soviet Union if you wanted to buy a car ...

1334 In the Soviet Union if you wanted to buy a car ...

My wife was doing her morning crossword and asked…

1240 My wife was doing her morning crossword and asked…

A woman goes to the doctor

1131 A woman goes to the doctor

A man loses three fingers in an accident.
At th...

1103 A man loses three fingers in an accident. At th...

A man goes to a hotel and asks the manager, “Ho...

1041 A man goes to a hotel and asks the manager, “Ho...

Working people frequently ask retired people wh...

995 Working people frequently ask retired people wh...

2024, April

My 3yo daughter just made this up (I think): Wh...

4615 My 3yo daughter just made this up (I think): Wh...

My Tinder bio says very honestly that I have a ...

1443 My Tinder bio says very honestly that I have a ...

So my wife asked me: ''Why don't you treat me l...

1400 So my wife asked me: ''Why don't you treat me l...

I was a man in a womans body...

1148 I was a man in a womans body...

My wife says I won’t get 10 upvotes for this gr...

1118 My wife says I won’t get 10 upvotes for this gr...

My son asked me what it’s like to be married.

1071 My son asked me what it’s like to be married.

I met a girl online, and arranged a blind date ...

1062 I met a girl online, and arranged a blind date ...

A girl called her father. “Daddy, I have a flat...

1042 A girl called her father. “Daddy, I have a flat...

What exam do 100% of women fail?

1024 What exam do 100% of women fail?

My son asked:"Dad, am I adopted?"

1013 My son asked:"Dad, am I adopted?"

2024, March

Wasted an amazing dad joke on everyone, but my ...

6801 Wasted an amazing dad joke on everyone, but my ...

My daughter made me proud

2705 My daughter made me proud

Where do mansplainers get their water?

1681 Where do mansplainers get their water?

My wife named our new dog “5 Miles” so she coul...

1691 My wife named our new dog “5 Miles” so she coul...

A woman is pregnant with twins and she falls in...

1252 A woman is pregnant with twins and she falls in...

Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dange...

1178 Tea is an evil substance. It is much more dange...

I met a Trans woman and her child.

1151 I met a Trans woman and her child.

If a letter is mail, what's a bill?

1101 If a letter is mail, what's a bill?

What's a Karen called in Europe?

1084 What's a Karen called in Europe?

I told my wife that our neighbor just died and ...

1063 I told my wife that our neighbor just died and ...

2024, February

Took my daughters to the cinema, unfortunately ...

2213 Took my daughters to the cinema, unfortunately ...

My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...

2175 My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...

my dad sends me a dad joke every day

1737 my dad sends me a dad joke every day

I fell in love with a girl who only knew four v...

1511 I fell in love with a girl who only knew four v...

Dating in your 40's is like looking for a parki...

1249 Dating in your 40's is like looking for a parki...

I really regret going to the Star Wars themed s...

1039 I really regret going to the Star Wars themed s...

My wife is furious

1009 My wife is furious

*Hands daughter an apple* "But dad, I wanted a ...

987 *Hands daughter an apple* "But dad, I wanted a ...

A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in...

925 A single sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in...

A young couple, just married, were in their hon...

897 A young couple, just married, were in their hon...

2024, January

14 yo daughter got me good with this one tonight…

5206 14 yo daughter got me good with this one tonight…

Not really a dad joke, but yesterday my coworke...

1844 Not really a dad joke, but yesterday my coworke...

I found a used football in a second hand store....

1580 I found a used football in a second hand store....

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date th...

1552 Son: "Daddy, I fell in love and want to date th...

Just tool the opportunity to make my greatest d...

1555 Just tool the opportunity to make my greatest d...

Caught my wife having sex with her personal tra...

1481 Caught my wife having sex with her personal tra...

A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very...

1453 A perfectly normal couple has a baby, but, very...

I understand now what makes dads tell dad jokes

1414 I understand now what makes dads tell dad jokes

I told a joke on a Teams meeting at work today....

1382 I told a joke on a Teams meeting at work today....

If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN

1236 If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN